5 Ways to Make Sure You Don’t Get a Second Date
Marianne, Katie and Claire told me they hate dating. All clients in my Love Coaching Program, we had to shift this attitude, if they wanted to find their ideal love match. Yes, it was out of their comfort zone to date, but a gentle reminder: “The love of your life isn’t going to fall down your chimney like Santa Claus.” First dates can be awkward and they can also be fun, exciting and interesting. It’s all about attitude. It’s a date, not a marriage proposal or commitment of any kind. Dating is an opportunity to meet someone new, get to know them a little better and decide if there’s a romantic possibility. In my three month program these clients along with others who actually liked dating learned a few secrets to make dating more effortless. This week I have 5 things on the “not to do list.” Next week I’ll give you tips on what “to do.”
5 ways to sabotage a first date:
Set too many expectations:Don’t treat your new date like you are doing them a favor by going out with them. This is a mutual agreement to spend a short period of time together to see if there is any possibility of another date. That’s it. Take your time and for goodness sake don’t set yourself up to spend too many hours together. Keep it short until you get to know each other a little better.
Think your looks matter way too much: Look, we know you are a catch. At least I hope you think you have a lot to offer any potential romantic partner, but remember your looks will not matter if you don’t have the personality and intelligence to match. Take care of your appearance and bring your smart, funny authentic self to the party, if you want a second date.
Tell him all about your crappy past relationships: Getting to know someone isn’t a license to tell them everything about your love life. Slow down and take your time without oversharing. He doesn’t need to know about all of your failed relationships right now. Once you are in a dating relationship you can share what you want to about your personal life when the time feels right.
Dig right into your list of “must haves:” First dates should not be conducted like an extensive job interview. Stop with the 47 questions already. He hasn’t even asked you out for a second date so why assume he’s ready to hear about your “must have” list. I teach my Love Coaching clients how to make a real list of important values for an intimate relationship to flourish and when to share. Dating is a process that takes time. Have fun and be yourself – that’s what he wants to experience.
Fail to relax and enjoy: Both parties on a first date can be understandably anxious. After all, you want to make a great first impression. The best way to do that is to breathe and relax as much as you can. He wants to get to know you too. Maybe there will be a connection and a second date or maybe not. Either way you will be fine. Better to know sooner rather than later.
Until next time remember: “If you can’t relax a little and enjoy the date, neither will he.”
Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love (A Transformational Four-Step Process) shows women how to go from frustrated and disappointed to attracting an authentic love match with confidence and clarity.
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