HELP ME Understand My Man - A Little Relationship Humor!

HELP ME Understand My Man (Woman)!

(A Little Relationship HUMOR)

Happy 4th of July Everyone! This week thought I’d share a little humor with you. Author unknown, but I thought the two versions of this relationship advice to help us understand our man or woman were quite creative and funny. Hope you enjoy!

 Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, Nascar 2.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support Team: 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. 

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. 

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. 

Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. 

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0. 

Please help! 

Thanks, 
"A Troubled User" 


REPLY: 

Dear Troubled User: 

This is a very common problem that people complain about. 

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. 

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! 

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. 

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. 

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support). 

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the environment. 

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. 

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Laundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Jewelry 5.0 

STATUTORY WARNING :DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. 

Best of luck, 
Tech Support ... 

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 Much love,

 Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach