Should I TEXT him? (5 VERY GOOD Reasons Not to)
To Text or not to text?
Should I TEXT him? (5 VERY GOOD Reasons Not to)
Are you driving yourself crazy trying to figure out the texting game? The rules can be super confusing so I’m here to help you out. Answering one simple question will give you the clarity you need to decide to text or not to text.
Are you dating or are you in a love relationship? If you are in the initial phases of dating, then there are very good reasons not to text him first. If he is interested in you, he will be the one to initiate contact. Smart women know this and enjoy finding out his level of interest by waiting rather than initiating.
Once you are in a committed relationship (boyfriend and girlfriend) then of course it’s okay to initiate a few texts to keep the romance interesting. By the way, if the two of you have not had the talk about pursuing a committed monogamous relationship then assume you are still in the casual dating phase. This means you both are free to date other people.
LOVE RELATIONSHIP TIP: You don’t need to confine yourself to dating only one person until there is an agreed upon mutual and exclusive relationship.
Should I TEXT Him? 5 VERY GOOD Reasons Not to:
Texting a man you’ve just met or started dating is chasing him.
Dating is not the same as being in a relationship. Initial dating allows people to get to know one another so they can each decide whether there will even be a relationship. This step is fraught with emotion especially for a woman when she thinks and feels the first date was great. My number one dating rule for women is never chase a man. He will pursue you, if he’s interested. All you need to do is let him know during the date and before you part company that you enjoyed it. No texting required. (By all means do respond if he texts you.)
Texting is easily misinterpreted.
This has happened to all of us. You don’t know each other well so texting might sound short, rude or more negative/positive than the sender intended. Men like to lead the initial phases of a relationship. Smart women know this and enjoy letting them set the pace and make the plans. Recently one of my coaching clients relayed her success after following my advice on this point. She was excited to report how much more fun and relaxing her recent dating experience had been compared to her previous “take-charge” attitude.
Texting can be annoying.
Texting can become a never ending communication loop. Some people don’t recognize an appropriate end to a text string. Don’t become annoying by keeping a conversation going just to see if he will continue to engage. You are not auditioning for another date. HE needs to be charming enough to get you to agree to spend more time with him. The quality of the date isn’t graded by the amount of text messages that follow. Time is on your side. Practice patience.
Texting too much assumes too much.
Dating research shows the number one thing that scares men away is women who try to go too fast from dating into a love relationship. Yes, you had a great time together and he’s looking like a serious possibility, BUT you are not in a relationship yet. Breathe, relax, cook, go to the gym, meet a friend, sit on your hands, hide your phone or call your Love Coach, but do not for any reason initiate texts at this early dating phase. He did not lose your phone number. A man who is really interested in you will go through a great deal to make sure he sees you again.
Texting first creates the wrong impression (read desperation).
I know this may be contrary to dating advice you’ve heard before. Yes, we are strong, mature, independent women who know what we want and how to get it most of the time, and so we can take control early on, right? Using this logic in dating will surely backfire. I’ve had quite a few clients who’ve told me they unwittingly chased men away by going into the “take charge” and “go after it” mode with men they just met. You can keep doing this or try it another way – breathe and let him lead the pace of the relationship. Think about how you really want to approach men for better results.
You can find out more – in fact a whole lot more on how to attract your authentic love connection. I’d love to teach you the secrets of attracting and keeping the love you want. Contact me and we’ll schedule your complimentary “Get Unstuck” session.
Much love,
Gayla Wick, Denver Love Coach
If you enjoyed this article you’ll want to opt-in for Gayla’s free weekly dating tips and advice.
Connect today and get her free e-book: Ten Secrets to Navigating Online Dating (and staying safe).